I Miss Me More.

My current jam right now is Kelsea Ballerini’s – Miss Me More and I think everyone should listen to it because it’s pure brilliance.

I love this song for so many reasons. Let me start with my obvious section of… Heartbreak.

When we go through heartbreak, and we all have – don’t even try and play me son, music can be one of the worst things to help the process. At least it is for me.  When I listen to music it’s to put me in a mood, but when I experienced my first true heartbreak back in high school, I learned, no matter the “mood” you’re aiming for, every single song seems to somehow be a love song. No matter how you look at it, there is love.

when-a-love-song-comes-on

That leads to dwelling on feelings, sadness, pain, and being unable to “get over it.” What I liked about this “love” song is that, while it’s definitely about my girl Kelsea going through heartbreak, she is taking a different approach to her pain. In turn, when I listen to it, I’m like, “Yeah fuck you bruh! This shit hurts, but you don’t deserve me (and all that shit).”

My follow up feeling is, “Damn girl you is fuckin’ savageeee!”

I just really like that she acknowledged that like whole concept of we had something and when it ended it hurt, like it should, but I miss who I was before I was I was with you more than I actually miss you.

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It’s an interesting concept in general when you think about it. We are all individuals. When we’re born, we are all different, but the same. We grow into ourselves, we change over time, we experience the nature vs nurture aspects of life. We have interests, opinions, beliefs. We have hobbies, things that make us happy, things that make us sad. It’s what turns us into who we are.

Then comes the fucking feelings and emotions. We fall for someone. We spend more time with them. Whether we want to admit it or not we sacrifice parts of ourselves to be with this person. You may stop spending as much time with family or skip things that were once so important to you just to be with this person. Love is sacrifice.

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Then, to quote Dan Savage, “Every relationship you are in will fail, until one doesn’t.” We just don’t know which one won’t. So when this relationship ends, it’s confusing. Before you, I may have enjoyed bowling every Monday night. Then you came along and bowling on Monday’s became less important because I could do dinner with you on Mondays. Then you’re gone and Mondays are open. Do I go back to bowling? A series of refinding who I am as a person before you rocked my world.

My absolute favorite thing about this song is that, she acknowledges she lost who she was prior, but now that she’s done with the relationship, she is reminded of who she was before him. And she’s like “yo, as much as I thought I’d miss you and who I am when I’m with you, I miss who I am without you far more.”

It turns kind of into a realization that she isn’t going to lose herself completely ever again.  That’s something I can totally relate to. When I start to see someone I can get a little lost in our world. I forget about things that are important to me. I’ll skip things I enjoy just to spend time with that person. I’ll rearrange my schedule just to be with that person. I can’t do that. I can’t continue that cycle, because then when the relationship ends, I’m stuck, trying to get back to who I was.

I never want to do that again. I don’t regret anything I’ve ever done, as they’ve all been learning experiences, but this song reminded me of the importance of self.  The whole concept of a relationship, is partnership, which contains two people – two individuals. I’ll never lose my individuality again.

If reading poetry before bed, going to CrossFit in the morning, listening to podcasts during the day makes me happy, than that’s what I’ll do. If screaming incorrect lyrics to a song I love in the car while playing air instruments makes me smile, than that’s what I’ll do. If going to dive bars and talking to strangers on random Wednesday nights makes me forget about all the negative shit that went on during the day, than guess what? That’s what I’ll do.

 

That’s me. I like me. And if I don’t like me, how can anyone else?

 

 

Sidenote: I mentioned Dan Savage earlier and I just think everyone should follow this man. He’s amazing.

 

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